she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
