Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
