who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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