omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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