You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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