theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
