You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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