dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
