I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
