Yo dont text me then not text me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
