remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
