Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
