I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
