i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
