Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
