he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Found the puke drawer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
