operation harelip BJ is a go
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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