Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
