Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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