Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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