dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
