he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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