I love black thongs
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
