We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
