Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
