Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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