So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
