can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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