oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
