Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
