This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
