I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
