That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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