My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
