TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
