the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
