Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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