Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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