i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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