I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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