well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
