maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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