After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
