found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
