I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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