This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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