wanna go halves on a baby?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
