Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
