i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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