Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
