i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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