I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
