soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
