Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
