i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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