just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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