yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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