bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
