I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
