My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
