dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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