There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sex in a hospital.. check
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
