this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
