and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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