Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
