where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
