he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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