I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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