But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Screwed.edu
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
