Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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