If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize