I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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