Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
