Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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