I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
