im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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