he wants to bone in the snuggie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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