Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
