i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
